The Caregiver’s Dilemma

The last time you were on an airplane, the stewardess showed you the oxygen masks which deploy in an emergency.  Remember her counsel?  “If you’re sitting next to a young child, take the mask for yourself first, then help the child!”  She doesn’t want you to make the mistake so many caregivers do, taking care of everyone else except themselves!

What is a Caregiver?

In over 3 of every 10 households, at least one of the members is a Caregiver.  In the USA today, there are 34 million of them. Over half are women, many are children! They’re looking after someone who can’t fully take care of himself or herself.  In some cases, it’s a temporary disability.  In other cases, it’s a progressive disability, like Alzheimer’s.  In many, it is terminal.   And in almost every case, the Caregiver makes a huge and commendable effort looking after the care-receiver. Caregivers are magnificent and generous people,  but they stubbornly look after themselves last, very much to their detriment.

What is the value of Caregiving?

The Reverend Greg Johnson, a member of the President’s Committee on Caregiving, and a recent Keynote Speaker for our events, estimates the market value of Caregiving at 375 Billion dollars in patient services per year.  That’s a  B not an M!  The math says that each caregiver spends over 40 hours a week, and provides $110,000 of free medical services a year.

Our organization is committed to the support of Caregivers.  Because when Caregivers discover they are shortchanging themselves in the business of living a life, having feelings, relationships, adventure, and personal purpose, they’re  astounded. And then, slowly, they begin to make choices.

Please read on about the programs we’ve developed to support these unsung heroes in our society.   Our mission is to create support groups all over Long Island where Caregivers can make good choices.  Our vision is that similar processes can easily be generated nationwide.

I have the right:

• To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my loved one.

• To seek help from others even though my loved ones may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.

• To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.

• To get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings occasionally.

• To reject any attempts by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, and /or depression.

• To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance for what I do, from my loved ones, for as long as I offer these qualities in return.

• To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my loved one.

• To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my loved one no longer needs my full-time help.

• To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired persons in our country, similar strides will be made towards aiding and supporting caregivers.